The Wait

When we submitted our paperwork, the wait time from being logged with the CCAA to receiving a referral was right around 6 months, and had been for years. So, we thought we would wait 6 months too. As I write this today, we have been waiting 26 months since the CCAA logged in our dossier.

There are many theories about why the wait has become so long, but the reality of the situation is that we don't know, and the CCAA doesn't feel a need to be transparent. Imagine that. The CCAA says that they are emphasizing domestic adoptions, less children are being abandoned due to increased economic prosperity, and there are fewer "paper ready" children to refer. I don't believe any of it. I know the hearts and minds of the Chinese people are not so changed in the course of one year that they now consider adoption a viable way to have a family. The one child policy is still in effect, and enforced in all but very major cities. People who have visited SWIs in China know that there are still thousands and thousands of orphaned children living in those institutions.The paper-ready reason is the most laughable-- how many people are in China? I am pretty sure that if getting babies/children paper ready for adoption was a priority, they could gather the necessary resources! It is not as though the Chinese government has had any compunction about making people do things they don't want to do lately.

What we do know for sure: the wait has been increasing by an average of .8 of a month every month. So, I do believe that they are effectively closing the program. The wait has been long enough to see a fairly consistent pattern, and it appears that the rate of referrals is driven by math and not any of the reasons the Chinese government has offered. The CCAA used to cover 15-30 days each month when they sent referrals, and there was little if any backlog. Now they send anywhere between 2 and 8 days worth and the backlog is enormous. Each month we wait to see how many days will be referred so that we can subtract those days from number of days until it is our turn. This is really and truly the only information we have to use to predict when we might get a referral. I really can't stress that enough. That is all of the real information we have available to us. So, with something as big and as important as becoming a parent, you can imagine what it feels like waiting and waiting each month for that tiny tidbit of information, hoping like hell that the CCAA will refer over 5 days worth, and then feeling like absolute, wrung-out shitake when they only refer a few days. Typically, we all grieve a bit, pick ourselves up, and repeat the process again month after month. As of today, we have 31 days/LIDs in line before us. The last batch of referrals covered January 9, 2006 and our LID is February 9, 2006. Sounds like it should be no time at all until it is our turn, but taking into consideration the CCAA only referred 5 days worth last month, it could take awhile to get through those 31 days....

I really think it is impossible to over state how difficult the wait has been for us, and for the many others in the same boat. Every month is like a roller coaster-- hopes go up (even if you try like hell not to let them), then they are dashed. It is very hard to focus on work. Holidays suck. It is hard to make plans of any kind. Virtually every major life decision (career, 2nd child, living situation) has been stalled as we wait. We have to save all vacation time for family leave (for almost 3 years we have been doing that). People who are parents know that every last little decision you make about your life somehow includes your role as a parent--will these shoes I want to buy work in the park, will this coffee table knock my kid's teeth out, how will I get this stroller to fit in my car and up the stairs, and so on... Year after year of thinking like a parent, but actually having no child is unbelievably hard on the old mental health.


We thought for sure that 2008 was the year for us, but now we are not so sure. Based on the .8 average, we would be looking at around August to get a referral. However, as we are so close, averages have become less meaningful. It took 5 months to get through December of 2005. There have already been two referral batches for January, so at the same rate it could be 3 more months to get into February 06, and then at least another month or two to make it to our LID on the 9th--that would bring us to September. Or, if they continued to refer 5 days, we would get a referral around the end of November. And if they referred less days, well, we would likely be looking at next year.