Adoption Lingo: Terminology

I know, I know... everyone groans/laughs when faced with learning new P.C. lingo for yet another disenfranchised sub-culture. But let's face it--biology is a big deal in most cultures. It is important for legal reasons, but also because it is a way to claim people and make them our own. We all need to feel that we fit in with our families! The process of claiming family members in adoptive families is no less important, but it is different in some ways. It is similar to what step-parents and step-children go through when trying to meld into a cohesive family. However, as that is a much more common occurrence than adoption, the lingo is far better known. Just so that nobody is confused about the correct things to say about adoption, and because I am a pedantic jerk, I listed some important terms below.

Words to avoid: Real mother, father, parents.
Words to use: Biological mother, father, parents; Birth mother, father, parents; Adoptive parents or just mom and dad.

Words to avoid: Foundling; Lost child; Waif; Guttersnipe; Stray; Ward.
Words to use: Orphan, orphaned (used very sparingly); Adoptee, child who is adopted.

Words to avoid: Natural child; Real child; Child of one's own
Words to use: Biological child; Adopted Child, or most of the time, just Child.
All children are natural, organic beings, and both parents and child are very "real" no matter who raises them. Adopted children definitely belong to their adoptive parents, and vice versa--they are their own.

When to use "adopted" as a descriptor
Obviously, there is no need to hide the fact that someone is adopted. However, it really only needs to be used to describe someone when it is entirely relevant. To use the term "adopted" over and over when there is no need to really just serves to single the person out (this is based on info from grown Korean adoptees).

CCAA: China Center for Adoption Affairs. This is the department of the Chinese government that deals with all adoption issues.

SWI: Social Welfare Institute. This is where orphans and old people end up.

LID: Log in date. This is the date that the paperwork prospective adoptive parents have submitted gets "logged" in with the CCAA. This is essentially your place in line.

Why China?

We chose to adopt from China because they offer a well established and relatively risk-free adoption process. These factors may not always be important to us, but they were at the time we made that decision. Domestic adoptions can be, and often are, very unpredictable. Also, in spite of the fact that they are often called private adoptions, private domestic adoptions actually require a high level of transparency from prospective parents. For example, prospective parents often put their pictures and detailed descriptions about themselves on websites. This is so biological mother's and father's all over the country who are looking for candidates to raise their child can discover and read about potential adoptive parents.
It has been suggested in very public forums that people adopt from China because the babies are cuter than they are in other countries and they will be good at math and/or music. For the record, neither of those attributes factored into our decision. I haven't met too many homely babies from any country, and while I certainly hope Bea will be good at math, I am pretty sure that math success is not a heritable trait.
The Jolie-Pitt's, and the Madonna-Richie's recent adoptions were not factored into our decision to adopt from China. You may have noticed that we bear exactly no resemblance to any of those folks, but we wish them well. I love the fact that they have brought adoption so far into the public consciousness. I am offended by those who believe that anyone adopts a living, breathing individual because it is fashionable. That's just nuts.

If You Read Just One Adoption Book

Please read this one:

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew; by Sherri Eldridge

I have a copy and I would be happy to lend it out. It helped me gain a much deeper understanding of the adoptees I know. I would love for my family to read it to help support me and Scott in raising Bea.