Can I Hold Her?

The short answer is no. Not just because I am a mean old cow, but also because we have to "funnel" Bea's attachment from her many caretakers at her social welfare institute into a primary attachment to us, her parents. People with biological children hopefully engage in the attachment dance without even really realizing it-- baby does X, and parent responds to X in a satisfactory and predictable fashion, ultimately resulting in the baby learning to trust that his or her expectations/needs will be met. Unfortunately, babies and children in orphanages have to compete for the unpredictable attention of their many caretakers, so they need to be retaught when and how their needs will be met when they are placed with their families. You probably know this, but how able a child is to attach to a primary caretaker dictates his or her ability to trust and attach to other people for life. It is the essential foundation for a good life, so we will have to hold her tight (literally) until she knows she can count on us. Believe me, the second that happens we will be happy to share. I really, really hope you will come see her anyway!